Why are we here?

I have questioned faith and everything in between. As I sit and type this, i can hear my mother sobbing from upstairs yelling for God to speak to her. Reciting "Our Father" over and over again. I've tried to write about this in my personal journal at home with pen and paper, but i found that nothing came out. I have been staying in quite a lot, if you haven't seen me its because i've been at home with my mom. She's the strongest person i know. I go out from time to time, to hang out with friends because let's face it, everybody needs a morale boost from time to time. And i'm proud to be her daughter. I just wish i could take her pain away.I know i can't, that she has to find her own strength, just as everybody does. But it doesn't mean it doesn't kill me to hear her like this. I believe in God, and i do have faith. I have gotten stronger over the years and i know that if i want to find a way through life, i don't have to just keep walking down the path that i already have, but i have to break through walls to find my own way. As cheesy as that may sound, I believe this wholeheartedly. I have a lot in my life to be thankful for and i'm getting back to the point where i know i'll be okay. I just have to find things that make me happy, find a way to get to my happiness again. I'll get there, its just taking a little longer than usual. I'm searching for a job like crazy, working out 5 days a week, slowly getting back into vegetarianism. Getting my life back, healthier. Happier. Of course i have obstacles to overcome and I am. And even though i feel weak now, i'll get back up. I always get back up. And i'll be okay.

On a lighter note: My brother comes home a week from monday. I haven't seen him in almost 6 months. I couldn't be more stoked to see him. He knows me better than anyone. And it will be good to have someone who really gets me to be around, even for a week. I love him more than life. Can't wait.

“That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.” - drew barrymore.



i want to feel this way again.

all i need.

seriously, without these girls my life wouldn't make sense.
thank you, the 3 of you, for putting up with my shit.
being there reguardless of the outcome.
i love you.
they are my family.